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Things that happen in gay porno that annoy the fuck out of me

This is part of Noel Alejandro‘s blog.

The other day I was scrolling down Facebook when I ran into this Buzzfeed article asking what things from gay porn annoyed me the most, and I realized it was time to break free from all my inner hate. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy other gay porn than mine, but have directors never heard of lube before?

So here we go:

When the actors suddenly make eye contact with the camera and you feel weird as fuck.

 

When they know each other for half a second and jump straight into it using no lube at all. Like, that’s gotta hurt.

 

 

When actors would have sex in any given position, would make all the pleasure faces that a human being is capable of, but still won’t kiss or show any sort of affection.

 

 

Or when the editors add some random soundtrack that has nothing to do with the story, and it’s just there to avoid some uncomfortable silence. By the way, silence in pornos are almost always mind blowing.

 

Everyone is always wearing some Italian underwear.

 

Actually, there’s always something Italian in every mainstream gay porno. What is that even about?

 

 

Actors who look more like sex machines than human beings. I’d much rather see some vulnerable, imperfect characters, instead of a sex god who is as deep a leaf.

 

“seriously, what’s this all about?”

 

Flat light. That white flat light showing each and every muscle in their bodies, but that makes the whole thing feel like we’re all inside a dentist’s office. Who the hell is turned on by that?

 

 

Pierre Emö and Bishop Black’s performance is being edited and will be available in a few weeks. In the meanwhile, check all my other films here.